Behind Enemy Lines
by colours.of.music
Summary: Hogan and The Heroes Have to rescue a resistance spy from behind enemy lines. The have the perfect plan cooked up--that is until they find out the spy is a female! okay, terrible review--okay story, IMHO. Read and Review, please!
1. Chapter 1

It was late at night when the car entered the gates at Stalag 13. It bore German flags, as all cars that entered the POW camp did. Two guards posted at the gates let in the car; they had heard no word of anyone coming to visit Colonel Klink, their commanding officer, but they did bother to stop the car and request papers. They were tired, and everyone knew Stalag 13 was the safest POW camp in all of Germany. There had not been one successful escape attempt.

The Car stopped in front of Colonel Klink's Office, and the driver got out and opened the door for the passenger. The Dark hid the person, as did the German Coat they were wearing. Last out of the car came a guard, who swiftly mounted the steps to Klink's office. Without so much as a knock, the guard barged his way in, followed more slowly by the passenger and the driver. The Guards lost sigh of the three, and turned their attention back to patrolling the Compound.

--

"Colonel Hogan, Colonel Hogan!" Andrew Carter bounded into the barracks, covered in snow, but sweating. Carter was a young American Technical Sergeant, known for building the ammunitions—generally bombs—at Stalag 13. He was also called upon to impersonate German officers—specifically Hitler—when the need arose. He was one of five men at Stalag 13 who performed undercover operations for the resistance, back on the home front. After all, what better way was there than to blow up German buildings/trains/Top Secret Weapons from behind enemy lines?

Carter shook snow out of his hair and looked around the barracks. "I have urgent information! Wheres Colonel Hogan?" He asked to the others—Peter Newkirk, Louis LeBeau, And James "Kinch" Kinchloe—who also happened to be part of the undercover plans at Stalag 13.

"He's in His Office." Kinch said, not looking up from his card game against Newkirk.

"Bit absorbed in that game of yours?" Carter said sarcastically. After a moment he added "Where's the money? What are you playing for?"

LeBeau was sitting by the stove, his hands tucked tightly under their opposite arm. "Blankets." He said simply. "It's freezing."

"Don't you 'ave something to tell Colonel 'ogan?" Newkirk said, his words punctured by his English accent and his chattering teeth.

"Do I?" Carter looked confused, and then surprised registered on his face. "Right! Colonel Hogan! Colonel Hogan!"

"'E's in 'is Ruddy office!" Newkirk said, agitated.

"Hogan! Hogan!"

"What?" Colonel Robert Hogan opened the door to his office, and Carter blurted:

"I was just in Klink's Office to demand a better stove—"

"Good for You!" LeBeau interjected.

"I know. But I don't think he would—" Carter began to reply.

"Carter!" Hogan said sharply.

"Oh—right. Anyway, I heard shouting from his office, and apparently he was getting yelled at by a commanding officer—"

"Isn't 'e Always?" Newkirk said.

"—Who happens to be a woman!"

"Klink got shouted at by a woman? That's not much to be worried about, Carter."

"Yeah, but she's a German Officer!"

"There are Female German Officers, Carter."

"Yeah, but!"

"Why is this urgent?"

Carter opened his mouth, then closed it. "Well, I don't know sir."

"Alright. Kinch, get the coffee pot."

--

The five had already bugged Klink's office, and they had a coffee pot that transmitted the conversations right to their barracks.

Kinch plugged in the pot, and took the lid off of it.

"—search the camp? But for what?" Klink was whining.

"For tunnels, Klink!" Came he reply.

"But there cannot possibly be any tunnels in Stalag 13. It is the safest Stalag in all of Germany!"

"And why is that?"

"Because there has been no successful escape attempts!"

"No_ Successful_, Colonel?" The voice replied.

"And There will be none, I assure you." Klink said.

"None the less, I will search your camp, and you may not stop me. Not only do I have papers, but I am also the ranking officer, here, Klink."

Klink didn't reply.

"I have reason to believe A certain Colonel Hogan—one of your Prisoners—is working for the resistance, here in Stalag 13, right behind your back!"

"Colonel Hogan would do no such thing!"

"No, I wouldn't." Hogan smirked.

"None the less, I intend to talk with him."

"Alright. I'll get Shultz to call him in."

"Thank you."

--

Kinch unplugged the radio. "What was that about?"

"I don't know." Hogan said, before he began pacing.

"Say, Colonel Hogan, what were you doing in your office? You've been in there for the past hour." Carter said.

"Well, I got word from Headquarters. Seems they want us to get in touch with one of their spies."

"How're we gonna find this spy?" LeBeau Asked. "Was that all they told you?"

"No. They did say that their spy was impersonating a German officer. And the reason we're supposed to get him back to England is because the Germans are on to him—they Headquarters said it would be only a matter of time before they caught him."

"Well this bites." Newkirk growned, throwing down his cards, "Not only is a Kraut onto you, we 'ave to find a spy who the Krauts are onto and worst of all, I've lost my extra blanket!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Klink, I'm here." Hogan barged into Colonel Klink's Office, completely ignoring Shultz's Protests.

"Hogan! You're supposed to wait to be summoned!"

"I did, sir!"

"I'm Sorry sir, but I couldn't stop him—" Shultz said gruffly.

"Ahh, It's not your fault, Shultzy."

"Shultz! Diiissmiiisssed!"

"Yes, Herr Commandant, I shall go." Shultz left the room and closed the door behind him.

As soon as he was out of the way, Hogan sat down in the chair by the door, While Klink and The Woman Carter had told them about remained standing.

"Hooogan! Wait till I order you to sit."

"Alright, sir." Hogan stayed in his seat.

"Hooogan! I—"

"Klink, let him stay seated. In fact, leave us alone."

"But he's my prisoner. Shouldn't I—"

"Klink!"

Hogan watched as Klink Slunk out of his office. This girl acted a lot like General Burkhalter, though she looked younger than Himself, only about 20, perhaps younger. As soon as the door had Closed behind Klink, The girl bounded forward.

"Hogan, I'm—"

Hogan grabbed her hand and covered her mouth. He looked towards the door and she followed his gaze. They looked back at each other, and he saw it register in her eyes—Klink was listening.

The girl back away from Hogan. "Hogan, I am Major General Beatrix Willhiem. I have reports that you, Colonel Hogan, are helping the English resistance from Stalag 13."

Hogan scanned Klink's desk, and located a pen and a piece of paper.

He wrote _You're Not German_, held it up and said

"Now where would you possibly get an idea like that?"

The girl shook her head, and her long black hair swished from side to side.

"Obviously from Research, Hogan. Germans are much more intelligent about these things than Americans."

She rolled her eyes, and wrote _The Resistance told me where to find you_.

"Oh, now don't go adding insult to injury." Hogan moaned.

"Injury? Such as me finding out all about your little escapades all around Germany for the resistance?"

"Now I never said that." Hogan said, writing _You're the Spy_

Beatrix Nodded.

"Oh really? Perhaps a search of your barracks might prove otherwise."

"Searching through men's private quarters? That's hardly polite, now is it?"

"Come with me, Hogan." Beatrix Shoved the paper into her pocket, and stampeded out of Klinks office. "Klink, there is no need for you to come with us." She said rudely, then left the building, accompanied by Hogan.

They couldn't talk, because they were in a compound full of German Soldiers, so they walked to Hogan's Barracks in complete silence.

Hogan held open the door for Beatrix, and she stepped inside, ignoring the stunned faces of Hogan's Comrades.

"I am sorry to disrupt your little—card game," Beatrix said, with her nose turned up, "But I must search your quarters—"

"Easy B," Hogan said. "We debugged the Barracks as soon as we got here."

Beatrix dropped the act and slumped onto one of the barrack's cots.

"What am I going to do?" She moaned.

"Hey, Gu'vner, wots this slip doing 'ere?" Newkirk asked in amazement.

"Yeah, Hogan, This is the Kraut I was telling you about this morning." Carter added.

"Easy, fellas. This is our Resistance Spy."


	3. Chapter 3

Reader—

"We thought you were a _man_," Newkirk Said, getting up from his latest card game and grabbing Beatrix's hand. He kissed it lightly. "Peter Newkirk, at your service, ma'am."

"Newkirk, cut it out," Hogan said, pulling Newkirk away from Beatrix. He sat down next to her on the cot.

"I trust Beatrix isn't your name?"

The Girl formally known as Beatrix nodded.

"It's my undercover name. My real name is Sara."

Hogan nodded understandingly.

"How am I going to get out of here? The Gestapo will be here tomorrow—"

"How do you know that?" Kinch asked.

"Klink told me. He informed me that the Gestapo were looking for a spy."

"The resistance didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I haven't had much contact with the resistance in a while." Sara admitted.

"Anyone have any idea's about what we can do?" Kinch asked, looking from face to face. "No, mate—and milady." Newkirk said apologetically.

"_Non, Mon Amis_," LeBeau added.

"Nothing comes to mind…" Carter said slowly.

"Hang on," Hogan got up from the bed and pulled Sara up beside him. He positioned her in the middle of the room, and then shoved Lebeau next to her.

"What are you doing? You can't take me away from the stove!" He protested, but Hogan held him firmly in place, next the Sara. "What do you think?" He asked.

"What? What?" LeBeau asked, looking at their stunned faces.

Lebeau may have been male and Sara female, but their was no denying they looked almost exactly alike.

--

"Here's the plan," Hogan said, when they had all gathered in his office. "LeBeau, you, as Sara, will leave tonight in the car Sara came in. The Krauts know Sara is a spy, so they'll go after you—"

"Why can't I just hide in the tunnel?" Sara interrupted. "I don't want to put you all at risk." The group had already shown her the tunnel—in case the barracks were inspected when any of the five weren't there. ("'Course, You shouldn't have to worry 'bout that," Newkirk had said cheerfully, "Wherever you are, I'll be there too.")

"There's no risk, truly." Hogan said, smoothly.

"No risk? No Risk!" LeBeau piped up, "If they catch me, They'll shoot me for being a spy pretending to be a spy!"

"Hold it LeBeau—"

"Why can't she just hide in the tunnel?"

"Because, LeBeau, someone needs to leave camp."

"Why!?"

"I'm getting to that. If no one remembers her leaving camp, not only will the Krauts be looking for her around here, but Klink my get in trouble for harbouring a spy."

"So? Let the dog go to the Russian front!" This was Sara.

"Unfortunately, as much as any of us would love to do that to him, we can't."

"Why not?"

"Because if Klink goes to the Russian front, so do all our hopes of ever helping the resistance again."

Sara was quiet. "So, What are we going to do first?"

Hogan ignored her for a moment. "Newkirk, get your sewing supplies." Besides being an excellent forger and pickpocket, _and _locksmith, Newkirk also served as the Barrack's tailor.

Newkirk returned after a moment, with a spool of thread, a needle, and a large pair of scissors. "Running low on supplies, sir." He said.

"Well, We'll have to make do."

Hogan took the scissors from him and turned back to Sara. "Tilt your head back."

Sara obliged and winced. "Are you going to cut it?"

"If we don't it will look like LeBeau is growing hair faster than Rapunzel. And at his age, he should be losing it."

"I resent that comment!" LeBeau said, collecting Sara's hair from the floor, and handing it to Newkirk as Sara felt her shorn head.

Newkirk dropped her locks on the desk and said: "Don't worry doll, you look pretty as ever. No one would ever mistake you for a man."

Sara smiled weakly. "Hopefully they will."

"Not in that German uniform." Hogan said. "LeBeau, Lend Sara some of your clothes—you can change in the tunnel," He added for her benefit. "And Newkirk, get to work turning That hair into LeBeau's new wig."


End file.
